I am standing on a threshold between two doors. The door on my left is open and I gaze out on what appears to be a gigantic jigsaw puzzle of my 84 years of life. Segments are partially put together. Some vague and misty, of half forgotten memories; others, very sharp, clear, vivid. They depict scenes of great joy and sadness with dearly loved family and friends so interwoven that we were as one. Such a jumble! Perhaps some day, if it ever gets put together, to be written stories for my children, grand and great grandchildren, to learn of my life.
The door on my right is still closed. I face it and I know that if I turn the knob and open it, before stepping across the threshold, I will have to make a great decision; to live my future life in an entirely different environment and lifestyle, or stay in the home that has sheltered me for the past 60 years.
My daughter helped me research senior retirement communities and we have found one we really liked. It is located about 100 miles from New York City, in the lovely rolling hills of the lower Hudson Valley. The reason drawing me to this place is the alternative of living in a cottage instead of an apartment in the main building. The cottages are scattered throughout the spacious property amid many pine and flowering trees and shrubs. Living in a cottage with a screened in porch, overlooking a sloping meadow, will give me, although still within the community, the feeling of a private home.
I am frightened to make this commitment to move. After living alone for twenty years, will I be able to adjust to living in a senior community?? Eating dinner every evening with strangers, when I have been accustomed to dining alone for such a long time? Will they like me and I them? Will I become accustomed to the stillness of this place and miss the fantastic energy that is New York City?? Will I make new friends, find new and interesting things to do and try?? Will I? Will I?
Now it is time to either step across the threshold into a new future or not. Will I???
Anne Humbach
Copyright © 2002-2010 Anne Humbach